Astrid Baumgardner | Your Authentic Self - Lessons From Sex & the City and Jane Austen

Inspiring Change | Empowering Success

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Pianist and DMA, Juilliard School

I initially began coaching because my boyfriend, a big fan of Astrid's, saw that I was confused about a lot of things regarding the direction my life was taking career-wise. He purchased five coachings for me for my birthday with the caveat that nothing was binding and that I could opt out any time if I felt uncomfortable. From my very first session, it was clear that Astrid is one of the most insightful and generous people I have met. I walked into this session last fall, thinking that I had come to a dead-end in my music career and that perhaps I would benefit from heading in a new direction. After only a couple sessions, I renewed my sense of love for music and began to see possibilities for myself that I never dreamed of. Astrid is extremely dedicated and focused in each session. One major breakthrough I have had is the idea that being authentic is a major value for me and that I have spent so much of my life trying to please others or do activities I feel like I "should" do. I feel like I have blossomed in so many ways this year, taking on creative projects that I might have been cautious of before, meeting incredible colleagues, and being excited about the future instead of fearful of it. Astrid has a great gift of seeing the beauty in each person and allowing their strengths to come through.

— JC, New York, NY

Composer

Astrid has turned around the way I look at my career in the most extraordinary way. I used to think that the professional part of what I do was very separate from the creative and deeply personal aspects of being a composer. Going after professional opportunities to get my music out there felt to me like a very daunting task--one that I found a little distasteful because it felt like "selling myself." Astrid really helped me realize that building a career has to come from the most genuine part of myself--in the same way as building a piece. With this understanding, the professional world looks much less scary to me now, and I'm able to reach out to my professional network with the courage of my conviction, and with the kind of personal investment and care that makes professional experiences deeply meaningful. Career building is about believing in what you do, and its validity; it is about communication and courage. It only works if it feels true to who you are.

With her supportive and positive attitude combined with her incredible sensitivity and intelligence, Astrid has created for me a wonderful safe space to discover how I want to develop my goals from the inside out. I have found in her a true kindred spirit as well as a powerful ally and coach.

—Hannah L,. New York, NY

Attorney and ??????

There seem to be an infinite number of resources available to people looking to make career changes these days, and I think I looked into most of them before I met Astrid. Numerous books advised me to do what I loved. That sounded good, except that I didn’t know what I loved. A career test provided some insight and long lists of possibly compatible jobs, but ultimately directed me to do what I loved - back to square one. Another career coach, dispensing with frivolities like love, laid out a practical approach to a career path that objectively made some sense, but I knew in my heart that I would hate it. I felt deficient for not knowing what I loved, unreasonable for rejecting a sensible path that didn’t appeal, and in general, completely hopeless about my situation.

When I began coaching with Astrid, I was struggling with a strong feeling that there was some ‘perfect’ thing out there for me to do, if only I could think of what it was. I had a vague idea that finding the answer would involve going through the racks of possible jobs and holding each one up in front of the mirror to see if it might fit, but I was pleasantly surprised to find that we would take a more bespoke approach. There would be no squeezing me into a readymade career in this process - instead, we would be focusing on my strengths, values, work style, etc., to think about what might be right for me. Astrid’s willingness to cheerfully abandon any exercise that wasn't working for me kept me comfortable with everything we did, and helped me to get the most out of the process.

The work we did helped me to form a foundation for understanding why certain things, career-related or otherwise, are a better choice for me than others. With Astrid’s warm encouragement, I have also started to reconnect with the creative, less self-limiting side of myself that I feared was permanently lost. I feel more like myself than I have in a long time, and I have a career direction that I am looking forward to exploring. This may or may not turn out to be the ‘perfect thing‘ that I was looking for, but I no longer feel the pressure of that search; rather, I am hopeful that by taking actions that are consistent with my character, staying open to the possibilities that arise with each action, and correcting my course as necessary, I will enjoy the process just as much as whatever result I reach. I am grateful to Astrid for helping me to readjust my direction and my outlook, and I highly recommend her services to anyone who feels lost, stuck or anything less than wholeheartedly enthusiastic about what they are doing.

— Andrea K., New York, NY

Cellist and music entrepreneur

A good friend recommended I see Astrid because I was stuck. Stuck. Stuck. Stuck, and suffering. She has helped me parse through all the detail in what seemed panoramic hopelessness. She has worked in a distinctly different way than my psychotherapist, more pragmatically, and the combination of the two ... has been, for me, very effective. I have made tectonic shifts in the way I see myself, my place in the world and how I move through it. There have been some very painful changes and realizations, but most important, I have found a source for joy, hope and energy, undiluted by difficulties, so that I actually feel better, and stronger. This is my testimony to Astrid.

— TM, Rhode Island

Educator

Astrid Baumgardner is a true facilitator, and in that capacity she has guided me to discover the values and deeply held beliefs essential to my happiness and fulfillment in the workplace, wherever it may be....Through our coaching sessions, I was able to draw out and fortify my self-confidence, without which my ambitious relocation would not previously have been conceivable. When you are determined to strive diligently for change in your life, Astrid will be there to help you to create a roadmap to navigate and overcome every obstacle you encounter throughout your life-altering transition.

— MH, New York, NY and Tokyo, Japan

Your Authentic Self - Lessons From Sex & the City and Jane Austen

I have a confession to make. I - concert music lover, double literature major, French speaker, gourmet cook, world traveler, classical pianist - love Sex and The City! There is something about the smart, provocative dialogue and the genuine pathos of our four hapless heroines as they go through life trying to find love and fulfillment. I am particularly drawn to Carrie Bradshaw - beautiful, quirky, talented, generous, loving. How I often wanted to scream "Carrie, be yourself! What are you doing masquerading around as this superficial glamour chick, playing all those games and falling for men who just don't appreciate you for the wonderful person that you are?"

Well, finally, after many ups and downs, she finds the right guy-although she has to endure more humiliation as she goes for the glitzy, high-profile wedding and the Vogue spread which again turns out to be not what she is really about. She ends up marrying her true love in a simple ceremony in a sweet vintage outfit surrounded by her nearest and dearest friends.

So who gets it right?

For that, let's look to Jane Austen's Emma (the source of the plot of the movie Clueless) and specifically, Mr. Knightly, the heroine's suitor. Mr. Knightly is a 19th Century gentleman farmer who speaks his mind, particularly to our heroine who has not quite figured out who she is. He attends society dinner parties and tends to the affairs of his local government without having to play into the hilarious stereotypes that Jane Austen subtly presents to us because he is not afraid to be himself. Indeed, his neighbors and our heroine are drawn to him just because he is who he is. It is so refreshing to see a character go about his life with utter confidence in himself, conventions be damned! He has no need to explain himself; he just is. Read the book and you will see why he is such a compelling character.

Two very different examples show us that you can sniff out authenticity just about anywhere you look if you have your radar out for it. (A great recent example is the movie The Education!)

And why is authenticity important?

When you are able to be your authentic self and act in a way that is consistent with who you really are, you are much more likely to find fulfillment. There is no need to compare yourself to others because those judgments (both of others and of yourself) just do not matter. You radiate positive self-confidence and are able to attract others without thinking about. To me, that's why authenticity is one of the key ingredients to success.

Think of a time when you felt totally yourself.

In a relationship: How freeing to be able to stop playing games and just be, not worrying about what the other person thinks because you trust that you are exactly right! That feeling translates into a much deeper quality relationship, doesn't it?

In your art: Your most cherished performances or creations inevitably happen when you tap into that authentic best self and you are free in that moment to share your gift without fear of judgment, right?

At work: What about when you throw yourself into project and give it your all-out best, using talents that express exactly who you are? Whether you are the junior member of the team or the project leader, you don't have to worry if you are good enough because you have that inner confidence that comes from sharing your gift naturally. You even have the confidence to ask for help if you need it.

That's why so many people find true fulfillment and success when they are able to tap into their authentic selves and begin to live in a way that is in alignment with that authentic self.

Back to Carrie and Mr. Knightly. Why am I so drawn to them? Because from the time I first read Holden Caulfield's rants against the "phonies" in Catcher in the Rye, I was struck by how much better life can be when you can be yourself. It took me a while to be able to discover my authentic self and then figure out how to live it, but the rewards are well worth it.

So this month's question is: What does it mean for you to be authentic?

The answer is not an easy one so let's start with some simple steps:

ACTION STEPS

1. You can start by identifying your favorite characters or personalities or even people whom you know and admire. Think about why they resonate for you. What about these people is appealing? What does that say about you?

2. What's your favorite thing about yourself?

3. What can you do this month to live that quality?

*You may want to start keeping a Success Journal as you reflect on these questions since they will provide you with invaluable clues about yourself.

I would love to hear what you come up with so please email me at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .

Here's to your authentic success!

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I would be delighted if you should wish to reprint (for free) any part of this article in your newsletters, blogs, websites, and message boards. Please include the following attribution:

Astrid Baumgardner, JD, PCC is a professional life coach and lawyer, Coordinator of Career Strategies and Lecturer at the Yale School of Music and the founder and President of Astrid Baumgardner Coaching + Training, which is dedicated to helping musicians, lawyers and creative professionals take charge of their lives and experience authentic success. In addition to her work at YSM and her individual coaching practice, Astrid presents workshops at leading conservatories and law firms on topics including Career Planning, Goal-Setting, Time Management, Dynamic Communication, Conflict Management and Personal Branding and Networking. She is the author of numerous articles on the various aspects of how to achieve and live authentic success.